Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
