i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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