it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
