she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You've changed since you got that strap on
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
