Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
