i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm passing your future prison.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
