he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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