just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
