I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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