she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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