I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I need to stop coming to work sober
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
