when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
