After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
