I think I died a long time ago.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
FUCK WHALES
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
