I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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