she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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