this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
In America we eat man semen.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
