Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Im part way to drunk.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
