I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
