If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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