You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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