...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
