i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
