So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
