I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My balls are so social today.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
