He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
