He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
