why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
