Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
