that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
