I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
