just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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