As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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