When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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