You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
