dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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