I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
