I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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