I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
