But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
