You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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