Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
