You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
