Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
