I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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