My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
