look no pants
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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