Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Randomize
