I'm gonna have a badass scar
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
