I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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