oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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