apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
