My hand turned me down
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Drunk is not a location!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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