i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
