stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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