wakey wakey hands off snakey
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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