And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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