After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
