Whod you bang
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
