how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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